Monday, June 10, 2013

Life... its what happens when you are busy making other plans

Hello my lovelies,

So you may think I must of sustained an injury or something for me not to update you for 2 WHOLE MONTHS! But I assure you I am alive and well!

Somethings that have changed since I last wrote... the number one thing is Sleep! So many of you know I am a Chronic Insomniac. Well I have made several life style changes and have managed to achieve the miraculous... I am sleeping! Sleep, you might think is pretty under-rated, but from a person who went for about 6 years with a maximum of 4 hours sleep a night (average - sometimes less sometimes more), I consider sleep a jewel. Having said that sleep is actually taking up a lot of my time. Its like my body wants me to get back all that missing sleep in a few weeks. I didn't realize how much time I would be missing by actually sleeping. However, mum likes to remind me that at least I don't need as much time because my brain is more active and I achieve things now in half the time that I used too. So its a blessing to sleep but I'm still adjusting to the reality of it.

The exciting news is my round-the-world trip is now paid for! YAY! I leave for the first leg of my trip which is Canada on the 30th of September! Exciting! So many friends and places to visit! :) I just cant wait... but i have to! :) 

On the family front, I have been supporting my sister, V, as best I can. Recently the company she was working for went into Voluntary Administration, here in Australia, and as of today (10th of June) the company has had to ceased trading. My sister (and all her fellow co-workers/bosses/management etc) have had the last few weeks from hell. They have been trying to assure customers and support those on the same level/above them. But effectually as of today my darling sister is without a job, one that she loved with a passion. There is nothing I could do for her, apart from support her, love her, encourage her, and organize her (okay my OCD is coming out again). I just want to wish all of those from my sisters company all the love, support and kindness this little blogger can muster. You all did a spectacular job for the last 15 years! Thank you from the bottom of my scrap-booking heart!

Some of you already know, if you follow 365days of Kindness on Facebook, that in the last few weeks 3 of my friends have lost loved ones. Some have been fast and shocking, others slow and painful. I have spent a fair amount of time with my friends doing my best to support them. Be it drinks and distractions, or late night Facebook chats. Thank you (God/universe/mother/spirit), for such extra-ordinary lives that these amazing people lived. May they all Rest in Peace.

For me personally, Funerals are always hard. I have been to dozens of funerals in my lifetime, but since Dad has been sick, funerals have taken on a life of their own. It is hard when you are constantly being told that your dad is going to die soon, to then see someone not have to suffer in such a long drawn out manner. The first time, we were told Dad wouldn't live until Christmas, and that was in 2007 while I was living in England finishing my undergraduate degree. Dad has a major brain disease that is very rare ( 20,000 people world wide have Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy) and every few months/years he has a major turn for the worse. He has been so good for some time now, so we are almost living on a razors edge waiting for another bad turn. In other words, we go through cycles of grief regularly, and sometimes I find it hard when I see my friends families, where they are able to grieve and move on. They dont have to wait for the painful end of their fathers life's. To be honest there is often a jealousy that comes with it, and then a deep guilt as a result for wishing a death on anybody. I need to clarify my dad's life is a miracle, the doctors are continually baffled by him, and I cherish every moment I have with him. But there is such emotions at funerals that are often hard to handle. I love my friends deeply and am always grateful that I can support them in any way. I just wanted to explain to others this is one of the other reasons I have been offline recently. It is because I want to be a positive role model, not someone who acts without thought. But I thought it was important to share that it is okay to feel different than others. I mean i have talked to other families of Dementia patients (one of dads disease side effects is Fronto-Temperal Demential), and when I talk to them and explain how I have felt, they are almost relieved that they aren't the only ones to feel like that. I hope honesty helps someone else in a situation similar to mine, just so you know you aren't crazy.

Life has such an interesting way of reminding us what is and what isn't important. Family, friends, my communities and our world, are so profoundly important to me. Kindness is so important. I have seen how people react around shock, change and grief. It has been hard to witness how rudely, violently and badly people react to it. But I am continually reminded to be kind to unkind people, because they need it the most. It is often really hard to do this... particularly to those who are rude to you when you are most fragile!

I had the funniest experience with a drive through lady recently. She was rude and dismissive when she took our order, so I made the effort to yell "Have a wonderful day" through our window to her as we were about to leave. Now I don't know if it made much of a difference to her, but I know that our car full of people, burst into laughter. The upset she had caused us in her interaction with us was made better by a little kindness. If you want to bring kindness to your own life, start by bringing kindness to others. It makes a massive difference!

Anyway, I am still doing my kindnesses. Every night now, I write it in my gratitude journal! I keep writing all the things I am grateful for, particularly the things I can do for other people, and others have done for me. I am so blessed that I to be able to share these stories with you all!

I wanted to say thank you for those of you who keep checking this page even when things have been in stasis for a couple months. You are wonderful! You keep encouraging me to write more! Thank you!

Much love to you all,
Luv Daena x

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