That little voice...

I’ve been away for the last two weeks for work. It’s been busy and crazy and messy. But I’ve met some great people and gotten to know others better. 

I’ve been able to stay in some amazing houses and go to new places. Work is never boring for me. 

However it has meant that I’ve been a bit off my game when it came to posting anything for two weeks. I decided to give myself a little break instead of pushing myself. 

How could I profess kindness and not look after myself? It would be silly.

So I’m doing my best to be kind to myself. But it’s hard not to feel guilty. 

Do you ever feel guilty when you don’t do something you said you would do? Even if you had to so you could care for yourself? I do. Often. 

I think that it comes to some old beliefs about myself that no longer serve me. I often struggle with those deep seated beliefs that say “I’m not good enough” or that “I’m not worthy” of anything. It’s hard to confront that part of me. It comes to a head any time I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. 

I don’t always know how to combat it. I intellectually know that I’m worthy of friendship and love. However, that little voice can be insidious. 

Sometimes I really struggle with being good enough to share anything, let alone share kindness. What does this little white girl originally from Perth, Australia really know about kindness? Nothing. I’ve not done anything so great. Some of the things I’ve done no body remembers (including me) so what makes me think I’m the person to share these things? I don’t know. So I struggle. 

Then I ask myself... how can I be kinder to me? If I’m putting myself down all the time, how can I be Kinder? How can I do what I do for others, but for me?

First I have to change my thinking.

Every time I hear my internal voice telling me I’m not good enough. I quietly listen and then tell it, “thank you for adding in your 2 cents worth but you, YOU are amazing.” I have to be brave. 

I must admit this isn’t always successful. Those negative words are something I’ve told myself on the inside for years. So dealing with them is hard. Rebelling is hard. So I don’t. That little voice that tells me I’m not good enough also tells me it’s too hard to be kind to others let alone yourself. So I do what I can to change my thinking. I can be braver. 

I listen to meditations that encourage a positive mindset and encourage kindness to the self. They work. But not all the time. When that voice is really loud I need more than affirmations. 

I listen to Podcasts like “The Mindful Kind” which gives helpful tips and tricks about how to deal with that voice inside you. It helps me have a healthy outlook. The podcast offers strategies to be kind to yourself too. But you have to put those strategies in action and when I have little energy, it can be hard. 

So, I watch inspiring movies that motivate me to be kinder like “Pay It Forward”. I watch “Hallmark” movies because they make me feel good so I can be nicer to myself because I feel better on the inside. Whilst some might find them a bit too mushie, I really enjoy them. I know comedy is also a great source of changing your mood (just a reminder to myself to stay away from dark humour or otherwise it feeds into my negativity). 

I think these little tricks are like giving my inside self a little mental cuddle. Like you would to a friend who is struggling. Embracing the darkness to reveal the light.

When it comes to mindset with me it really comes down to providing myself with strategies that can subtly fool my inside voice into believing differently. 

I’m not perfect. I need to forgive myself for that. There are ways I’m working on me being a little bit better. A little bit kinder to myself. A little bit kinder to the world. 

Nobody is perfect. And the expectation that you need to be the exception to the rule is dangerous. 

It’s a struggle to embrace that part of you that always criticises you and judges your choices and actions. It needs love and kindness too! 

All you need to do is be Kind and Brave and you can do anything. 

Sending love to you all, 

Love Daena 

Kindness for self and Lent

For the last week or so I’ve been quite unwell. Just a cold but it’s been enough for me to have a few days off work and I’m still not completely recovered. 

So I’ve been taking time to rest, heal and recoup. Needless to say, I’ve been able to achieve very little apart from the bare minimum of my own life. To be kind to myself I haven’t pushed myself to get the blog out or do too much else. 

Lent starts today around the world. Traditionally a Christian period of fasting, to represent the 40 days that Jesus wandered the desert and was tested before he made the ultimate sacrifice. 

Lent has evolved into a time when you don’t simply have to give up foods. It is often still a test of willpower. For those who are brave, they bravely give up something they think they cannot live without. It can be anything from giving up meat, to chocolate, fizzy drinks or even social media (which a brave friend is doing this year). Lent ends on Easter Sunday, and people can enjoy their repast again. 

As I grew up in the Anglican Church I’ve used lent in the past to see if I really did need certain things in my life. I’ve given up chocolate, coffee (before the days of insomnia as I’ve now given it up for good), sugar, Diet Coke or soft drinks in general, cakes and sweets, and so much more. 

But another idea for observing Lent is instead of giving something up, you take up something. Like a new habit or service to others. So I thought this year I would play a little game with myself. I might not post every day but I will record and share my 40 days of kindnesses. I want people to see how simple it is to take up acts of kindness. Even if it’s just for lent. This little exercise I am hoping will be motivating for me too. 

So here is day one... 

It might not seem like a bit deal but some days I struggle to go on social media or even take photos. So i know it will be a challenge to me. Which is perfect for observing Lent. 

Anyways, I hope you are well! 

May kindness follow wherever you go! 

Love Daena x

Lent gifting day 38 & 39

Sometimes we have great plans and sometimes it just doesn't happen. 

I've been working really hard to post daily but it didn't quite go to plan yesterday. Yesterday I took my niece down to the park and when I was there I got the starting of a migraine. My sister thankfully was on her way from work so she was able to swing past and pick us both up and take us home. 

By the time I got home I was nauseous and by the time I had had a chance to fill up my water bottle and make sure I had an ice pack I was vomiting. Great topic of conversation, I know. Hehehe. I then proceeded to sleep from 5pm to 11.30am when I was taken to the doctor and then back to bed until almost 6pm. I had basically spent 24 hours in bed (excluding the time I was at the doctors). 

 

Needless to say, by this evening I felt much better, although not 100%. But I got sick and tired of being in bed so I got up. I Had dinner with my family, watched some tv (fairly quietly) with the adults in my family and played a game of cards with my brother in law. All with my sun glasses on! 

Even though I was sick I didn't forget I had to do two days worth of blog posts. I'm making it short and sweet today because I need to. 

Yesterday's giving was another toy. 

 

I've had this "baby" doll for as long as I can remember. But I don't need it anymore and I know there is some little kid out there who will love her like I did when I was younger. So I think she would be in better hands than mine where she can be loved and appreciated. 

 

Today's act of kindness and gifting is also a toy. A "Big Bang Theory" kitty cat called "soft kitty". When you press its paw it sings the soft kitty song that Sheldon makes Penny sing when he's sick in the TV show "Big Bang Theory". See the clip below. 

I was actually given two of these toys a couple of years ago. My niece loved one so much that she used to use it all the time when I didn't live with her. She would crawl into the guest bed with the Soft Kitty and play it over and over and over and over again. The batteries almost died in it from being played so often. She loved it and it apparently reminded her of me. So when she was feeling bad she would climb into the bed I used and hug my toy. Kind of cute. But since I've been living in the same house she has been hugging me and not the toy so it's time to give it up. 

  I gave one away a few months back. But I thinks it's time I pass this cutie off as well. If my niece got some much out of it when she was younger, someone else will love it too. 

I want to make people's lives better. If by giving away some of my stuff I can do that then I am thrilled to. 

My Lenten gifting is not my only act of kindness in the 40 days of lent (which ends on Palm Sunday) but it is one that I feel comfortable photographing and sharing. Sometimes I do kindnesses anonymously so I can't share them here without giving myself away. Sometimes I do kindnesses that other people know about so I can share them and I do here or on Facebook. Sometimes I don't tell anyone because it's not something that I could share without sharing personal information or share something that isn't mine to tell. Kindness is also shown in my discretion.

But the lent gifting I can share because I is mine. I can show you what I'm giving away because often I don't know who it will end up with. I have no attachment to who gets it or where it goes. It is also something that I am giving up for the benefit of another person, group or community. What better Kindness can I do that giving away something every day in Lent? And tomorrow is the end for this "game". Although technically each Sunday during lent isn't counted so it really ends on the Thursday before Easter. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday and the beginning of what the Christian church calls Holy Week. The beginning of all the events that lead up to the crucifixion on Friday and the resurrection on Sunday. 

Even though lent doesn't end until Thursday most people I know give stuff up until Easter Sunday. So it's really a choice to how far you go. I will see how I go tomorrow I may even continue to give things up for charity until Easter Sunday just to push myself. I still have Heaps of stuff in my home that I Could regift. But if you are playing this gifting game too... please feel free to finish whenever you feel you want to. 

Hope this finds you well. 

Love Daena x

Lent gifting day 18

The more I give away the more I find that I want to give. Has that ever happened to you? 

It is the same with kindnesses. The more kindness you bestow on others the more you want to do. It's boarderline addictive. Just with none of the bad side effects! Hehehe. 

Today's kindness and gifting is something that is still in its packet from when I got it back in 2015. This glass from Coca Cola was a freebie from McDonald's. 

 

It's been about 6 years now since I gave up coffee and coke (most strong caffeinated drinks) because of chronic stress induced insomnia. The fact I even own a coke glass is kind of funny. So donating this to someone who like the glasses or loves coke (I know a few) seems far more appropriate than me keeping it in my boxes of stuff in my cupboard. 

Have you looked at what you are using? Does it align with your current lifestyle? Does it align with your values? 

I know for me, owning a coke glass doesn't align with my lifestyle or values. So thankfully I can give it to someone who can use it and whos values and lifestyle aligns with it too. Yay for giving!!! 

 

(Check out my Pinterest board for Kindness Idea to find this quote and many other kindness inspired pictures). 

Much love to you all! 

Love Daena x

Lent gifting day 17

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!! 

Today marks the 40th Anniversary of my Grandfathers (my mums dad) death. So we just celebrated this Scottish mans life by drinking his favourite Scotch Whiskey and playing cards on this traditionally Irish celebration of Saint Patrick's life. My grandfather had a healthy sense of humour too. Playing cards and raising our glasses to his memory...We had a lot of fun. 

I really wanted to start this Game of Lent Gifting to have fun as well as make my life easier in the future. So today's thing to gift was something that was fun to use when I needed it but it's also fun to give to someone else to enjoy. I love general knowledge. I know my friends and family have laughed sharing the stupid and random information that stays with all of us. So I'm glad I can share this with someone else.  

I often take life too seriously. I know it. But I also make sure I laugh a lot. In the weirdest and more complicated situations I often find something to laugh about or to share a giggle with a friend. 

My niece and nephew have also both found their niches with jokes and jokes books. So I can giggle with my niece and nephew over bad knock knock jokes. I really appreciate their humour. 

Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. 

Make sure that, not matter what is going on in your life, you take time to laugh and make yourself feel good. Comedy shows and comedians are just a couple suggestions. Because honestly sometimes we just need to laugh our heads off and feel good. 

Sending love and kindness to you all. 

Love Daena 

Lent gifting day 16

Today I spent some time with my mum helping her get rid off few things. Making space for her to be able to do some of the creative work she thoroughly enjoys. 

Her graph piece (for those following at home) is not as long as mine but she's started getting rid of things to charity which is awesome. My niece is also well ahead of where she is supposed to be this time of Lent, which is awesome!!!! The best part is moving stuff that has been basically useless but has been in our lives for such a long time!

For example, I bought this under garment for a wedding I was involved in ages ago. Like decades ago (okay I'm not that old but it was (I think) for my sisters wedding which was 17 years ago now. So almost decades but definitely a decade a go. Scary. I don't feel that old. 

 

I think I wore it twice for the same dress. Sadly it's been sitting in my closet ever since. It's amazingly still in wonderful condition and it will be perfect for someone else. This cost me about $100 when I bought it all that time ago and if it gets sold at a charity shop they wouldn't ask for even half of that. Sadly it also doesn't fit any longer so I don't know why I've kept it all this time. 

How are your donations going? Are you playing along at home? Have you chosen a charity to donate to yet? If not then find ones close to you that do the most good in your eyes. Do some research to see if their values align with yours. 

Enjoy, 

Love Daena 

Lent gifting day 15

Simple and sweet today. 

My lent gift for today is probably highly offensive to some. And for that I am sorry. This magnet was another cheap thing that I found in the "gift box" ready to give to someone. After I bought it I realised just how UNkind it was. Even though I have a healthy dose of sarcasm and a good sense of humour, I just couldn't bring myself to give this one to anyone. 

 

I think the following picture that I (roughly) did from a Pinterest quote sums up my "gifting" perfectly (check out my Kindness Pinterest board for the original). 

 

 

I may have regretted buying the magnet but you will never regret being kind!!! Someone at the charity shop may have a different sense of humour to me. Fingers crossed it will be loved and enjoyed rather than remain hidden in my box of gifts. 

Much love,

Daena 

Lent gifting day 14

At the end of the year last year I watched Minimalism: a Documentary about the Important Things on Netflix. I learned a lot from this documentary. I thought Minimalism was all about stark bare walls and only owning a few things, or even just being about buying stuff that looked a certain way (Minimalism as in furniture or interior design). From the movie I learned that Minimalism is not just about having "less stuff" but is also about living an Intentional life. The documentary asks what can you contribute to society? Being a kindness ambassador these ideas of intentionality and contributing, more than "having less stuff", struck a cord with me. 

Living intentionally, and in my case doing kind deeds (contributing), resonated because I have been unintentionally doing kind deeds for ages. I've been doing kind deeds for my friends, family members and even the wider community but it has become so second nature to me that I've lost a lot of awareness of what I am actually doing. I have been hosting this Blog since 2011 which is One kindness a day for over 5 years. I do my kindnesses now without thinking. I feel like I've lost the intentionality of those kindnesses. Am I just going through the motions? In the beginning it was a struggle to figure out what I could do to be kind to someone else, the environment and even myself. I have created things like the Sustainable September Series to cover the environmental issues and I post kindnesses we can all do and inspiring videos and articles to Facebook regularly. But apart from that... I've kind of lost my mojo! 

It's partly because of the documentary and wanting to be more intentional that I've gone back to writing my kindnesses in a book. Recording each kindness to learn what works and what doesn't. Just because I've watched the Minimalism documentary doesn't mean I am going to become a minimalist, but I love the idea of intentionality (particularly combined with contribution)! When I was younger I was told to "try out every piece of advice (or piece of information) and see if it fits, like you would try on a shoe. If it fits with your beliefs and values then keep it, if not then discard it". This is how I decide how to live, learn and share. So if something here resonates with you, keep it... if not discard it. 

For me there were a lot of "shoes that fit" in the documentary. Particularly when it comes to consuming and using my purchasing power for good. If you saw my post on Sunday I noticed I "accidentally" bought a dress. So intentionality is becoming more and more important to me. I really want to change the way I relate to money and spend money. I want to be conscious of where I am spending my money and the companies and businesses I support. Simply put, I want to use my money to vote for the kind of future I want. A kind, environmentally friendly place where humans can come together and celebrate their differences and acknowledge their similarities and support each other through this sometimes hard thing called life. 

Side note: if I had decided to spend money on "stuff" this month, buying a dress from an opshop fits with my values and would have been okay to me if i had done it intentionally. If i'd purchased the dress in spite of my decision, consciously, I would have been okay with it. It was completely unconscious and unconsidered and that is what interested me. I have turned spending into an unconscious action when I want my spending to be deliberate. 

I've been listening to some interesting podacasts recently. I didn't really know much about podcasts last month when I discovered the app on my phone. I saw a recommendation for some on Pinterest that got me started. I have recently fallen in love with the podcasts: Optimal Living Daily; 10% Happier with Dan Harris; The Mindful Kind; Writer on the Road; TED Talks Audio; The Slow Home Podcast by Brooke McAlary; and my favourite at the moment is The Minimalists Podcast (by Josh and Ryan). I've been listening to The Minimalists back catalogue and they often speak of making a conscious choice to buy things and using our purchasing power to choose things to buy because we need them not because it is what is cool, hip, the "it thing" or cheap. I am aware that I buy things just because they are cheap not because I actually need them. Then I have this useless thing that I have to find a home for and I get overwhelmed with the stuff. I don't want to be overwhelmed. Life is hard enough without being overwhelmed too. 

Today's kindness Lent Gifting items I bought many years ago because they were cheap. I had no idea of where they would go or go whom. As a result they have NEVER been used and have sat in my "gift box" (the box of stuff I have to give to people when a celebration comes around). 

 

For years I have been hoping that the correct celebration would come around that I could give these trinkets to someone but nothing ever has. 

When I bought them (almost a decade ago) I had a very close Young Adult Church Group. Most of us have since moved on to different opportunities in different places, cities and countries. Sadly we don't often see each other. Most of us are still friends. Because of this distance, I am less and less likely to give this kind of gift to someone. Particularly that now I have a more diverse collection of friendships from all walks of life with a range of beliefs, many that differ from my own greatly. Our values are the same though and so we are friends.

I am even re-evaluating my need for a "gift box". If I don't have to keep a huge pile of "Just In Case" items that's got to be good. I can keep the presents at the store until I need them. No more keeping things I may never use or give to anyone else. Now they can go to someone who will appreciate them. They can escape my "gift box". 

I like that if I actually want to buy something for someone then it doesn't have to be cheap "stuff". I want the right thing for a person rather than giving them something they may not like or need. It also leaves me more money and time to give a person an experience rather than "a thing". I'm learning that experiences are far more valuable to me than any "thing" could be. The memories of those experiences are wonderful and take up lots less space. 

It's funny how giving away one item a day for Lent has me so introspective. For my Christian friends though, they know that that is what Lent is all about. For anyone playing along at home... how is your Lent adventure going? Have you got rid of anything that has made you reevaluate what is important to you? 

If you are just reading this for fun! Hi and welcome! I'm so grateful for you stopping here to read about my life and journey with living a kinder more intentional life. I don't expect you to live the life I live nor do I want you to do something that is against your values or beliefs. I want everyone to live lives they love and live them kindly. No matter what that looks like for you

I hope that my open conversations about my life and about how I have been living a kinder life might inspire someone to do more kind deeds for the people around them. 

Have a wonderful day. 

Love Daena 

. X

A new year of kindnesses from 1st Jan 2015

Hello beautiful friends. 

I am back! I hope you haven't worried about me not being back blogging this year yet? If so don't worry! I have been doing my kindnesses this year again. I've been on Facebook to keep people posted and I'm really sorry it's taken me this long to get to the blog. 

This year I am asking people to join me in my kindnesses. Think you could do a kind deed a day? Or a kind deed a week? Or maybe a kind deed a month? Well this year I'm asking you to join me with your kindnesses. 

#365daysofkindness

#52weeksofkindness

#12monthsofkindness 

I urge you to take on the challenge. 

I've found it such a true pleasure to do a kind deed that I want others to experiment and experience that joy! :) 

I know it's already into the new year and I have started my 365days of kindness already but you don't have to go from 1st of January to 31st of December. You could do whatever date you want to start and continue for a full year. I'm happy to support you along the way.

Mum this year has decided to join me. Her kindnesses will be different and also sometimes the same as mine. But it's always lovely having someone to join you. And I want to walk with you on the journey. And celebrate the good things in life! :) 

My kindnesses so far this year: 

January 1, 2014 - I detailed our car for my mum. It's not a job she can do. So I scrubbed and waxed our car so it is now all shiny. 

(I think I was pretty tired after the last photo! Who guessed detailing the car would be so tiring! But it looked amazing!)

January 2, 2014 - I supported a friend who needed some advise and needed someone to listen. It was an honour and a privilege to be there for them when they needed me. 

January 3, 2014 - today was my brother in laws birthday party. So I made dip for my sister so she could finish other stuff ready for the party. 

I played a couple of games of chess with my nephew because it kept him out of his parents hair whilst they were busy doing other things... Amazingly I lost at chess, twice! Clearly need to brush up on my chess skills! 

I played "hangman" spelling game with my niece whilst cooking.

I made cups of tea for my mum, sister, nephew and niece. I also offered to my brother in law but he kindly declined!

I also helped move the new "family" guinea pigs safely away from where all the noise would be for the party. I also had a cuddle with Chocolate and Prince, the two male guinea pigs, helping my niece and nephew continue to get used to holding them. 

Okay... So today was a busy day! :) but it was lots of fun and totally worth it! :) 

I hope your Christmas and New Year celebrations went splendidly. And I hope and wish for a year filled with love, joy and kindness for you all! 

Let me know here, Facebook, or twitter if you are joining me for one of the kindness challenges! I look forward to hearing from you! 

Much love, 

Daena x