That little voice...

I’ve been away for the last two weeks for work. It’s been busy and crazy and messy. But I’ve met some great people and gotten to know others better. 

I’ve been able to stay in some amazing houses and go to new places. Work is never boring for me. 

However it has meant that I’ve been a bit off my game when it came to posting anything for two weeks. I decided to give myself a little break instead of pushing myself. 

How could I profess kindness and not look after myself? It would be silly.

So I’m doing my best to be kind to myself. But it’s hard not to feel guilty. 

Do you ever feel guilty when you don’t do something you said you would do? Even if you had to so you could care for yourself? I do. Often. 

I think that it comes to some old beliefs about myself that no longer serve me. I often struggle with those deep seated beliefs that say “I’m not good enough” or that “I’m not worthy” of anything. It’s hard to confront that part of me. It comes to a head any time I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. 

I don’t always know how to combat it. I intellectually know that I’m worthy of friendship and love. However, that little voice can be insidious. 

Sometimes I really struggle with being good enough to share anything, let alone share kindness. What does this little white girl originally from Perth, Australia really know about kindness? Nothing. I’ve not done anything so great. Some of the things I’ve done no body remembers (including me) so what makes me think I’m the person to share these things? I don’t know. So I struggle. 

Then I ask myself... how can I be kinder to me? If I’m putting myself down all the time, how can I be Kinder? How can I do what I do for others, but for me?

First I have to change my thinking.

Every time I hear my internal voice telling me I’m not good enough. I quietly listen and then tell it, “thank you for adding in your 2 cents worth but you, YOU are amazing.” I have to be brave. 

I must admit this isn’t always successful. Those negative words are something I’ve told myself on the inside for years. So dealing with them is hard. Rebelling is hard. So I don’t. That little voice that tells me I’m not good enough also tells me it’s too hard to be kind to others let alone yourself. So I do what I can to change my thinking. I can be braver. 

I listen to meditations that encourage a positive mindset and encourage kindness to the self. They work. But not all the time. When that voice is really loud I need more than affirmations. 

I listen to Podcasts like “The Mindful Kind” which gives helpful tips and tricks about how to deal with that voice inside you. It helps me have a healthy outlook. The podcast offers strategies to be kind to yourself too. But you have to put those strategies in action and when I have little energy, it can be hard. 

So, I watch inspiring movies that motivate me to be kinder like “Pay It Forward”. I watch “Hallmark” movies because they make me feel good so I can be nicer to myself because I feel better on the inside. Whilst some might find them a bit too mushie, I really enjoy them. I know comedy is also a great source of changing your mood (just a reminder to myself to stay away from dark humour or otherwise it feeds into my negativity). 

I think these little tricks are like giving my inside self a little mental cuddle. Like you would to a friend who is struggling. Embracing the darkness to reveal the light.

When it comes to mindset with me it really comes down to providing myself with strategies that can subtly fool my inside voice into believing differently. 

I’m not perfect. I need to forgive myself for that. There are ways I’m working on me being a little bit better. A little bit kinder to myself. A little bit kinder to the world. 

Nobody is perfect. And the expectation that you need to be the exception to the rule is dangerous. 

It’s a struggle to embrace that part of you that always criticises you and judges your choices and actions. It needs love and kindness too! 

All you need to do is be Kind and Brave and you can do anything. 

Sending love to you all, 

Love Daena 

And the world changes...

Hi everyone,
If you have been following us over at the Facebook page, you would know that some big stuff is going on in my world. It has been a while since I wrote last but I have not forgotten about you.

First of all, my hair was lopped off again recently. I have raised over $950 for Variety as well as donating my hair to them to be made into wigs.

 

You can still donate here if you would like to contribute to the cause. I am also loving the new Hair cut. Who knew it would take such small amounts of shampoo? And would dry super fast too? well... short haired people I guess!

But my BIG news is... I am moving far, far, far away from my home in Perth, Australia. 



You see, 10 years ago I moved to the UK to do the last four units of my undergraduate degree. I lived in Hull, England for a whole 5 months, then spent a bit of time travelling around Europe before returning home to Australia. Since then I have had a deep love of Europe and particularly the UK. I've even been back there several times since I returned to Australia. I have some amazing friends in England, Wales, Ireland, Germany... just to name a few.

For the Last few months I have been planning, preparing and organising my life so that I can move back to the UK. A few weeks ago I got my confirmation that I have a 5 year visa to live and work over there. Which is just so exciting and mildly terrifying at the same time. My family are super supportive, because they know this is my dream. However I Know they will miss me greatly.

My mum, whom I have cared for, for the last almost-decade, is safe and will be lovingly cared for. My sister and brother in law will have a room again to house passing visitors and unexpected guests (or Guests when I stop in for a visit). My niece and nephew are both devastated that I will miss the day to day stuff.  my niece beautifully told me today that she "didn't want me to leave, but she didn't want me to come back either" because she wants me to "live my dream". I thought that it was such a beautiful thing that she told me... I think she is also hoping to come visit me and see snow... but I will stick to her very adult perspective for a 10 year old. 

Part of the reason I want to go to the UK is because of the work opportunities there. I have trained to be an Archaeologist and even have my masters degree in the field but I have chosen that my mum and her health were more important at the time to leave to pursue my dreams of archaeology and adventure. For archaeologists, I know that the job is not all lost ruins, crystal skulls, and whole pots. I know it is not all adventure, it can be painful, cold and hard work. But for me ... I have never felt happier than being covered in mud in a trench on the English/Welsh boarder.

So what does that mean for now? I have no idea. I will be a little disconnected from my family and friends in Australia but only physically. There are so many types of technology that I am sure I can make keep friendships up. I have no solid plans for where in the UK I will end up yet. I haven't secured a job in the field, but as it is coming to summer I hope to find something soon.

What does that mean for 365 days of Kindness? Not much really. I will still write here when I can (sporadically at best) and my sister Vandra will help me manage the Facebook page as usual. I am hoping to add a few more Kindness Lovers/sharers to the Facebook page in the future so that we can all share our favourite kindness stories there.

I am still continuing with my kindness everyday. I will miss sharing with the family every night what kind deed they do everyday. However it has meant that we are all doing a version of 365days of kindness. I love that I am not alone in doing it.

However, you may notice my posts have a more travel orientated vibe or even a more a "British" slant to them, even though the Facebook Page will still have many Australian stories in it, it will continue to be a global acknowledgement of kindness.

So next time I write that is where I will be. Somewhere in the UK, celebrating kindness and living my dream. I want to thank everyone who has been encouraging me, supporting me, motivating me, pushing me even, to reach my dreams no matter the cost. 

I hope that I can live the dream and continue to live my life as an example of kindness and love. 

Love you to you all, 

Daena xx

Lent gifting day 34

Karate was a passion of mine for a long time. Many of you won't know the I trained for 21 years, in Renshinkai, finally gaining my 4th Dan (4th level black belt) several years ago now. I trained at least twice a week for most of that time. I loved & hated it. I loved my karate family. The people I trained with for that time are still people I cherish even though we don't see each other much anymore. I loved the energy I had, the power, the strength. I hated the muscle pain and most importantly I hated giving it up. 

Because I have Endometriosis I had to give up my training & teaching because I was so fragile. One accidental punch or poorly placed kick and I could have ended up in the emergency room (assuming someone could have gotten me out of the foetal position). I got to the point where I couldn't stand up let alone run and fight. The fragility is what I really hated most. 

I miss training. When I get my health back I hope to go back to Karate. 

In the meantime I am getting rid of a small "graduation" gift mum hand knitted me when I went for my 3rd Dan Black Belt and of course survived and earned the belt! 

 

Part of the reason I am passing on this little guy is because he will fit in a shoebox (for the Christmas Shoebox appeal) but also he's a painful reminder of what I'm missing. He's been stuffed in the back of the cupboard for the last 4 years. Weirdly I don't have the same sadness when I look at my Gi (aka. Karate suit) or my black belt (with its 4 red stripes). I don't get that sadness when I look at my karate certificates or even my karate licence and grading book (I still have these things in the hope I can return to the sport in the future).

I love karate and I enjoyed doing it for so long. 

People assume that Karate is very violent and sometimes it can be (if you aren't trained well or are training for something else like MMA). I must admit I have broken a few bones from Karate but I've broken 4x as many from other activities like tripping over at school or falling out of a boat. What I did learn from Karate is confidence, respect (for myself and others), strength (physically and mentally), and discipline. All of things have helped shape me into the person I am today. 

What sport, hobby or activity have you given up? Or have you had to give up for whatever reason? Would you go back if you got the choice? 

Much love, 

Daena x

Lent gifting day 33

I don't know about you but Lent is flowing FAST!!! I feel like I'm only just getting the show on the road and it's almost over. Woweee. They say time flies when you are having fun! 

I'm sticking with the soft toys for now because I have so many of them. 

 

This little guy will be small enough to fit inside a shoebox. So I'll vacuum him thoroughly and then give him to a friend who collects small toys (in very good condition) and donates them in shoe boxes to kids in 3rd world countries around Christmas time. 

He was a free promotional Teddybear for a company that has since gone bust so there is no reason for me to keep it. It might bring joy and love to the life of a young person. I had a collection of soft toys that I've loved over the years so I know what one soft toy can do for the life of a child. 

So thank you to the teddy bears and fluffy penguins who I have loved over the years (I collected penguins in my younger life). Thank you for the kindness you have bestowed on me: Being there to cuddle when I was afraid of the dark or when I was scared; reminding me I am loved and am capable of love; letting me dress you up in stupid clothes; forcing you to drink/wear "tea" which may have in fact been toilet water; being there to hold when I cried. See, to a kid these seemingly inanimate objects come alive and support our younger selves in the darkest days. 

I am reminded of Toy Story 3 where Andy is able to pass his old toys onto a new generation of toy lovers. The toys are happy and Andy is happy because his toys are being loved by someone else who loves them just as much as he once did. 

Sending big fluffy cuddly hugs to all those who need it at the moment in honour of all the stuffed toys we have loved over the years. 

Love Daena 

Music for Kindness

Hello beautiful people!!! 

So ive been thunking a lot about music that inspires kindness. Songs that look beyond just the repeditive lyrics of some degrading songs, or past songs about pain & suffering (dont get me wrong i do enjoy lots of songs in this category - particularly ones by Adelle &Taylor Swift - I mean "Hello"!), But What I am most thinking about are songs that inspire us to be better people. When I was about 17 I was introduced, by a friend, to the CD Spirit by Jewel. If you already know it, it is challenging and inspiring. I love her songs "Hands" and, the one that resonates most with me, "Life Uncommon". 

"Lend you voices only to sounds of freedom. No longer lend you strength to that which you wish to be free from. Live a life of love and bravery and you shall lead a life uncommon." - Life Uncommon by Jewel.

I have worked hard to lead a life of love and bravery. And I have failed as often as I have succeeded. But that is okay. I am not afraid to fail here. I have learned so much through my failings. Kindness often requires a bravery that I am not sure I have until after the fact. Bravery is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. 

The song 'Life Uncommon' has often been the song I would listen too when I was needing to reinspire myself to keep going. When I needed freedom from my fears or freedom from whatever I was struggling with at the time, this was the song I clung to. 

Today I was serching the YouTubes. I know its not actually called that, but I can't think of the right word. Anyway, i digress. I came across a Song and a video that was simply so beautiful that I had to share. 

For those of you who do not know, every year Life Vest Inside host the "Dance For Kindness" and the song below just happens to be one that is on a soundtrack for that event. I follow these awesome kindness advocated on Facebook and definitely on YouTube. I have even shared their videos before. "The Kindness Boomerang" video is a must see!  I just thought I would share the one i only saw today. It moved me. The lyrics are beautiful and the sound is amazing too. But the video is a tear jerker. Or maybe it just is to me! hehehe.  

What i would like to know from you is: 

What songs inspire you to live a compassionate life? A life of kindness? 

What songs or music do you put on to give you courage to face the day? Or energy to keep going? 

I would love to know, I have a little kindness playlist of songs. So if you have any songs you love, and think i might like, please let me know. ANd dont worry about genre, although it appears i only love female artists with ballads, i have a super eclectic mix of music in my collections. SO no matter who it is played by or sung by, not matter what style, please let me know and i will check it out! :)

Sending love and kindness to you all,
Love Daena xx

Thank you to all those who participated!

Hey everyone,
Just so you know I had a WONDERFUL birthday! I got very spoilt and had a great time with my family and friends.

Some highlights:
Supanova- this was my birthday present to myself and its Perth's version of Comicon (Pop culture convention)! But much much smaller. I met some of my favorite authors and actors from television and movies. I got signatures from 5 of them! So I am a very very lucky girl. I also learned about the book industry and how to write/edit/publish books... which is exciting and very interesting! (I will share more of this when I can get the photos off my camera!)

Visisting my dad in his nursing home - He had no idea what was in the presents he was giving me... but he did remember how to sing "Happy Birthday" to me!


Dinner with my Niece, Nephew, Sister, Brother-in-law & mum - My favorite part was the presents my Niece and nephew had made for me. My 4 year old niece had made me a plastic tube that had been beautifully decorated! It was covered with sticky tape (Cello-tape) and beads. She gave it to me & decorated it because she liked playing with it, so she thought I would too! She had also put some of her bracelets in it too, because she wanted to give me something pretty (I managed to tell her that i couldn't take her pretty bracelets away... but thanked her so much for the thought!). I did however score a necklace out of it... which is now living at my house... in the dress-up box! So she can use it next time she comes over... after convincing her to take the bracelets back... I didn't want to push making her take her necklace back :) My 8 year old nephew on the other hand made me a beautiful decoration for my scrap booking! Because he knew I would like it and would use it in my photo albums. He is such a sweetheart! It was incredibly cool too! He did an excellent job!

Going to the Movies with my mum and sister -The girls in the family don't often get to go out for a movie... but for my birthday my sister V, had her husband look after the kids, and she, mum and I went to see the movie BRAVE by Pixar! It is an excellent movie! However I wouldn't think it is really a kids movie, and can be quite scarey in parts. But it was a lot of fun - particularly because my mum is from a long line of Scottish people. And it is based on a Scottish myth. And some of the things that are said and done are very true to form! I loved it!

Dinner & Poker with extended family & friends - I had a lovely dinner with my friends, where I was embarrassed to be given a huge gift (kind of like a single persons version of pass-the-parcel). There were about 15 layers of paper to unwrap and some of them had dares on them so that I had to Sing a version of "Old MacDonald had a farm... and on that farm he had a Daena... ei, ei, oh" and then make appropriate noises. I also had to get up and do the full version of "The little bird-y dance". And all of this was in a restaurant & Bar full of people! Had a great time though! The food was lovely too.

After Dinner, a couple of friends stayed with me and we played in the free league in a tournament of Texas Hold'em Poker. With which I didn't do particularly well, and one of my friends won the tournament! He was just about as surprised as I was, because he had never played in a tournament before... so winning was an awesome surprise! :)

Sleeping in - Now many of you know that I am a particularly bad insomniac. However for the last few weeks it seems my body remembers what sleep is and how important it is... I have been able to get at least 6-8 hours of sleep a night... and on my birthday I got a whole 12 hours of sleep... which was very exciting! :) So I count that as one of my highlights! :D YAY!!!



Anyways, I also wanted to say a HUGE thank you to those of you who participated in "Daena's Birthday Madness"! I got messages through the Facebook page, and through email! So Thank you!

For my birthday, I also made the effort for "Daena's Birthday Madness" and so everyone who sent me a message on Facebook or via text I personally sent them a thank you response! After all you can never be too grateful for your friends! :)

Thank you to all those who regularly read this, I keep watching the number of people who read this blog grow! And it encourages me to keep going! :)  So thanks!

Luv Daena x