Update of my life... 6 months on...

Hey everyone,

You probably haven’t heard from me for a while, and if you are wondering how I am going, well here we go. I am going as well as can be expected...

Last week was the 6^th month anniversary of my fathers death, which also co-coincided with what would have been my mum and dads 37^th Wedding Anniversary. In the weeks to come we are looking at all the things we need to do to create a place to have my dads ashes put.

6 months ago, we got a phone call from my dads nursing home telling us he had passed away in his sleep! We stood vigil around his body, my sister making the trek down the hill to be with us in the wee hours of the morning! I can't believe it has been 6 months! It feels like both days and years since we waited with dad for the funeral home to take him away from the place he had called home for 7 years!

I miss dad so very much! I miss going to tell him about all the good stuff I've done, and talking with him about all the struggles and heartbreak too! He was a fighter & had such an amazing sense of humour! He was stubborn, generous, outrageous and kind!

To my mum, who would have last week celebrated her 37th wedding anniversary with my father too, I love you! So very much! You are so strong even when you have been so broken yourself! You are so loved!!!

My sister & brother in law, thank you for standing beside us through it all when you had so many of your own burdens to bare!

For my niece and nephew... Thank you for the smiles, & tears and the reminders that we need to take things a little less seriously! I love you both!

To my friends both near and far... To my Samwise Gamgee, for helping me, your Frodo, carry that ring to Mordor! Thank you to all of you who helped me get through these last few months! From food drops, dinner outings, care packages, flowers, cards, hugs, kisses, love and amazing kindness! Thank you for holding me together when I felt like I was just pieces of glitter on the wind... To now being a few bigger fragments of my former self! I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

And sadly but finally to those who have spoken to us about "getting over it" or "moving on", I need to say... grieving doesn't work like that!!! We have been broken, shattered by both the illness dad underwent and also his death, then to deal with mums cancer and other things, some small, whilst some were tectonic. These things breaking us into smaller fragments of ourselves, to the point we thought we would end up dust in the wind! The fact we are still in small fragments at all is a celebration! We haven't been ground down, blown away, given up, or lost who we are! But to become a single person again is going to take days, months and years! Every day we miss dad & that won't stop! Not now, not in 10 years, not in 50 years! So please, please don't expect any of us to "get over it" or "move on"! Life is not that simple or that black and white! Please be patient!

What I most want to say is that I love my dad! I am who I am because of him. He lives on in the hearts of those who knew him! I just can't believe it's been over 6 months! Rest peacefully dad I miss you!

Mum, my strong, strong mum,  is recovering from the cancer. 5 months ago she was operated on. And for someone who has no cancer any more, it is amazing how many non-deadly complications there can be. I think I have to say we have almost had them all. I remember before mum had her surgery that the physios said to us that they will continue to care for her for 2 years after the surgery. I remember thinking … 2 years is a bloody long time... why would we need to be here for that long? But it turns out that they treat cancer patients for that long, because people need help for that long. Like mum needs the help. People have made comments that make me cringe, like “because she doesn’t have the cancer any more, means she should be okay now”. I'd like to think it was that simple... but its not. The doctor recently explained it to me, and my mum, that it was like having two amputations. The body reacts so violently when you loose and arm or a leg... and as it turns out... two breasts. Mum has been so courageous through it all. I am so proud of her for her strength. It is true what they say about women ... "You don't know how strong a woman is until you put her in hot water". The best thing that has come out of mum having had cancer is that almost every female friend over the age of 45 has booked in and gone for a mammogram since mums surgery. Which is amazing! If you are a woman over 45 or if you find a lump in your breast (this can be guys too) head to the doctor and get a mammogram or ultrasound.

Mentally I have fought to find the good things, that I know are there. I see my friends and family struggling with so many issues of their own. I just wish I could wrap them all in cotton wool, give them the resources they need and give them the biggest cuddle in the world. Or take away the problems they have like some sort of Kindness Fairy. Sadly the world doesn’t work like that... and if I did start wrapping my friends in cotton wool and taking them away from the things that hurt them... apart from being considered a lunatic... its not very good for those people, my friends. We all need to push past our own issues, and deal with them in their own way, and in doing so grow stronger as a result. Still my heart bleeds for those who are doing it tough at the moment. I send you my love and my hope that things will get better in the future.

I keep my gratitude journals going. 10 things every day that I am grateful for. Sometimes that is harder than others... but there is ALWAYS something to be grateful.

Keeping my gratitude journal going means I also have a continual physical record of all my Kindnesses too. I haven't stopped even through all the craziness in my life. Even though I have mainly stopped blogging in that time, and it has been only with my sisters help that I have kept up the Facebook page. Thanks Vandra! :) 

I have to focus on the positive things at the moment (so I don't get too down)...Which kind of leads me to my next thing. Some awesome news this month was that I got a job. Its only a little job for a short amount of time but its very important to me because it gets me out of the house, (leaving mum in the safe hands of others) and doing something for the greater community.

I have recently started work at the Social Justice Unit for the Uniting Church. Our little unit has, since I have been there, been a part of organising and running a conference on Eco-issues, sustainability and how those who believe in God are called to look after his creation; they have offered homes to children of Asylum Seekers who are living in detention (along with other church groups) (Read more here); and also made statements and stands on Sustainable resources not Uranium (Read more here).

I like to think that all of this work is another form of kindness. Kindness for those that cannot protect themselves (i.e.. Mother earth/Gaia/Gods creation & the human beings who most need our care). I, personally, like to start with sorting things out in our own countries before trying to tackle those in the wider world. It brings me back to one of my dads favourite musicals, Godspell, “How can you pick a speck of saw dust from your brothers eye, when all the time there is a great plank in your own.”

I, personally, have really struggled with the way that the current Australian government is treating the humans & the land in its care. Focusing on money, not kindness. No government is perfect, don't get me wrong, but this particular government seems to be doing more harm than good. So I want to do more kindness to compensate. Of course I don’t have the same money or resource’s the government in Australia has, but I have been looking at ways that the average human can make a difference. I think I might have found a few ways.

Do you think there is any way that us, mere mortals, can make a difference in our own communities for the better? If so, how? If not, why not?

Okay... I bet this wasn’t quite what you were expecting when you started reading... politics. I know politics is always controversial. I don’t like politics much myself, but we can't escape it.

I stand for Kindness. I stand for it every day. And I only want kindness for everyone. I know... it seems like the impossible dream. But someone has to dream it right? So it may as well be me! If you share a similar dream, I would love to hear about it.

Love and Kindness,

Daena Xx

Relay for Life...

Hi again everyone,
I promised you photos from the weekend and here I shall deliver! However first I wanted to tell you a little about what it was that I did these last two days.

This weekend I was at the Relay for Life. The Relay for Life is a 24 hour event where people/communities/schools/corporations spend 24 hours walking/jogging/running/sprinting around a athletics stadium to raise money for cancer research! It is a very fun and exciting event. People from all walks of life come to fight together against such a horrible disease. And they dress up and dress up their tents too! Which is pretty epic! :)

This weekend I was working with one of my closest friends, Tanya, to work on the Ceremonies Committee. Our job was to make the stage, performances, presentations, speeches, dances, go smoothly for our guests and presenters, and also for the thousands of people who were there this weekend. To keep them energized and motivated to keep moving around the track! So I was the "little details" sort of person. Making sure the Guest speakers had nice chairs to sit on, drying off the slippery stage after the rain made an appearance, sorting out prizes and collecting certificates from the Cancer Council Committee Members, putting the banners up, handing out tent site banners for the winners of various categories, putting the starting ribbon out for the dignitaries to cut before the relay could start... and so on... and so on.... and so on! I think I worked for 15 hours on the Ceremonies alone. And unlike the walkers on the track... I went home to bed for a few hours before returning on day two!

One thing I also participated in, on the first day that needs mentioning, was the Candle lighting ceremony. For this I was asked to go up on stage to stand for all those people who care for loved ones with cancer and other horrific diseases. There was a little boy that stood beside me that was a cancer survivor (he nearly broke my heart... he was only 5!). And I had another lady next to me who was also a Cancer survivor. The three of us represented Past (the older lady who was a survivor), The Present (me), and the Future (the little boy). We lit candles together and stood for a message much bigger than ourselves. The ceremony was amazing. Very moving and really heartfelt. They dimmed the lights on the track and had "memorial candle gardens" around the edges of the track. Earlier in the day people had decorated paper bags in memory of those who had been loved and lost and placed them in these "gardens". They also had a huge HOPE sign in the grandstand that was individual paper bags that glowed in the night light!

After the ceremony there was a quiet lap done for reflection and memory. Where there were some beautiful longs played and a slideshow of all those who had lost their battle with cancer! It was very sad.

One thing I learned is that before the age of 80, one in two people will be diagnosed with cancer. That is terrible odds! But this gives every reason to find a cure!

I walked on the "quiet lap" for some friends of mine who have died (including one who was only 5 years old), my grand-parents, and some of my extended family. Cancer has had a huge impact in my family! And events like Relay for Life mean that money raised gives hope to the next generations of my family, and people I know and love.

Well, it wasn't all sadness, reflection and silence. We had a lot of fun too! We danced and sang along to bands/soloists/swing dancers/country singers and so many more. We met or listened to local television and radio stars who acted as MC's. All in all it was a really good event! :)

AND the event raised a grand total of $750,000!!! How cool is that????

So I bet now you want those photos.... well... here they are....

This is the ribbon cutting... you can see the Governor with the scissors and the purple ribbon the the right side of the picture!

This is the "survivors walk" the cancer survivors get to be the first to walk around the track at the start of the Relay.

More Survivors walking on the first lap!

The Horde... the rest of those walking/running for Relay for Life!

The Grandstand "Hope" Message that they had lit with candles for the evening Candle Lighting Ceremony

Me (Daena) and Tanya just about to head home after doing a heap of packing...

Tanya and I & our awesome Committee t-shirts!

A little bit of love... Tanya and I mucking around after doing the packing away before heading home!

Well that is just a tiny insight into Relay for Life... If you want to walk or support the event next year or start fundraising now for next years event, head over the the Cancer Councils website found here! That is for the Western Australian Relay for Life... but I know if you Google it... they have Relay for Life's in many other countries too! Check it out! :)

Thanks for all the support and encouragement! This last two weekends has been pretty busy but also very exciting!

Much love,
Daena