Frustration

I have spent a lot of this week dealing with frustration.

Firstly, I had to get a new screen for my phone. Id smashed it when I fell over on a pebble beach last week and it was in my back pocket. On Tuesday my new screen arrived however I managed to drop the broken phone in the toilet at work before I had a chance to replace the screen. Due to the problem with the screen the insides haven’t been able to dry out as quickly as I would have liked.

I still don’t know if I will ever get back all the photos, memories, cherished videos, blog post ideas, story ideas and half completed chapters of books I am currently writing.

When this happened on Tuesday at work we had already had to deal with a work car breaking down, being snowed off after driving almost 2 hours to get to our archaeological site. Because there was so much snow around a lot of other people were in the office when we got back and it was jam packed. I often don’t deal well with tight spaces and lots of people. Tuesday was no exception. I was so emotionally and mentally drained that night I had early dinner and shower and was in bed by 8.30pm.

Wednesday was almost the most frustrating day of my life. We got to site and for the first hour it was okay because there was frozen puddles to crack and sheets of ice to throw and smash through to continue with the work. However, by the time morning tea came around, the whole place had started to defrost. Which you would think would be a great thing, except because it was clay it became sticky and miserable. Usually when a job is this annoying I put on some cheerful music or an inspirational podcast and get to work. But having broken my phone the day before it was just me and my thoughts. Me and my frustration.


It was so frustrating when every step I took meant I was either stuck to the ground so I couldn’t walk easily, or had enough clay stick to my feet it was like wearing weighted platform shoes that could have rivaled the height of the kind my sister wore in the 90s. #SpiceGirlsForeva. I even fell into the mud on more than on occasion. Pushing a wheelbarrow in that clay will now haunt my dreams… forever.

The whole day of work continued to be like this for me. Jobs that would normally took 30mins to do took 4 hours.

It was the first time I have ever been so frustrated I have wanted to weep. (Or at least it is the most recent so it sticks in my mind to the exclusion of all else). I still feel myself getting frustrated now just thinking about it. It was also completely physically exhausting. I came home absolutely knackered.

When I finally got home I managed to message my boyfriend from my tablet. My family back home in Australia would have been well and truly asleep by the time I got in from work, so I couldn’t call my mum. It actually made me more upset because I couldn’t call anyone as my phone was dead. No phone calls at all.

I have my tablet but it wasn’t then set up with anything and every app wanted me to use my phone to verify it. Talk about frustrating!

I had to figure out what to do that evening to get me out of the funk. I used a few little tips and tricks to help. This wont work for everyone. I think taking some time to get to know what helps you when you are emotionally and physically exhausted will help you.

Firstly, I cried. A good solid sob-fest. Everything I had been holding in for the last 36-48 hours came tumbling out. I must admit I was not very positive. My boyfriend G got really worried about me because I don’t usually sound so defeated or so distraught. What he did was remind me that this is not normal and therefore temporary.

When I had dried my eyes and felt a little lighter I decided I needed to change the way things were going for me. I needed to laugh, too feel clean (get rid of the mud and clay), I needed a win and I needed some comfort food.

I decided to make myself some pizza. Hangry is a new word for a reason. Dealing with the most important part first was going to help me immensely. For someone like me, who is on the Auto-Immune Protocol, making pizza is a lot more time intensive and complicated than nipping to the local Pizza place. Thankfully I had the ingredients on hands. I didn’t even feel guilty when I ate a whole pizza to myself. So, yummy comfort food. Check.

I needed to wash of the mud of the day. So I had a nice hot shower. I washed my hair and braided it when it was almost dry so that I would feel better in the morning as I wouldn’t have to do anything with it. Feeling Clean. Check.

I did some jobs I had been putting off. Like putting away the clothes drying in my room. This feels like a constant job because in winter everything takes so long to dry. I also changed my sheets and did another load of washing (yes, ruining my empty drying rack – but yay! Clean clothes). Having a win. Check.

Lastly I needed a laugh. One thing I find I watch to do this is QI. A British show hosted primarily by Stephen Fry but also by Sandi Thompson. For those not familiar with it, it is a great game show that you can watch one or two episodes of and learn something but usually laugh at too. It often hosts a great range of comedians including some great Aussie comedic icons. It has a habit of making me laugh a lot, whilst learning a heap too. Change my mood. Check.

By that time, It was bed time. So I did what I usually do, I wrote 10 things I was grateful for. This is a nightly ritual for me that helps me reframe my day. You might wonder how I could be grateful for a range of things as my day had been so…. Yes… frustrating. But it is amazing what you can be grateful for when you think about the good. Here is what I wrote in my journal…

WEDNESDAY 30TH JANUARY 2019:

1. I am truly grateful that I had my tablet alarm to wake me up this morning because I was able to get up, dressed and to work on time.
2. I am truly blessed that KC & I got to play with the frozen puddles because we laughed a lot.
3. I am happy and blessed I finally got my Section Photo taken because It took me all day to clean up my ditch slot and get it ready for photographing.
4. With all my heart thank you that I was helped my the Polish crew from the other office because their small acts of kindness made my day so much more bearable.
5. Thank you that we stopped at the services on the way home because I hot a hot cup of tea and that was enough to warm my frozen fingers.
6. I am truly happy that I was able to help the office staff by printing off some extra paperwork for the file when I got back to the office, because it meant they had more time for more important things.
7. I am truly blessed that I got prawns on discount at the supermarket because It meant could add them to my pizza tonight.
8. I am happy and blessed G and I could message on my tablet because I feel so disconnected from my family and friends right now.
9. With all my heart thank you for QI, Pizza and hot showers because they really help me improve my mood.
10. Thank you that I got lots of jobs done because I feel like a successful adult.

I always add a reason why I am grateful for a certain thing. Just saying ‘I am grateful for life’ is nice, but what about it makes you feel it in your bones? Or at least in your heart? Actually feeling the gratitude helps me get out of my funk.

As you can see there were good things about my day too. It wasn’t all frustration. It was also… ice cracking, hot tea, pizza, kindness from colleagues, hot showers, having a win, discount prawns, having a back up alarm clock, laughter, getting the job done, connectedness and bringing kindness to others. Does that mean I wont experience frustration again?? I wish.

Thursday could have been just as frustrating, but this time I was more prepared. Pizza for lunch( (leftovers for the win). A messenger phone call with G from my tablet. Having small wins. Making someone else’s day by bringing them a gift.

I also had several people be really kind to me which was really beautiful and unexpected. Some simply shared in my frustration, whilst others offered me use of old phones. I also got hugs from a few friends and colleagues.

Plus, I finally got a cuddle from G when I finally made it to Wales that evening under the threat of snow. And snow it did! But thankfully I got there safe!

Sometimes knowing how to get yourself out of a funk is the best skill there is. I think I am still learning to deal with frustration but at least now I have some strategies to deal with it myself.

Be kind to one another.

Love Daena

Kindness and all its problems... a rule book of sorts to maintain a healthy state of kindness!

Hello beautiful people,
It was so good to get my words on a page last week, so I am back for some more. But this time for something a little different.

One of the biggest hurdles people have when doing something like 365 days of kindness is that they burn out fast. So I have written a tiny rule book for those who are brave enough to embark on this journey for themselves. And PLEASE try doing a version of this kindness yourselves!!! It really is amazing! :)

One of the reasons that people burn out is that they forget to look after themselves. And I don't mean that they forget to eat or sleep or drink (although Im sure my family could remind me that occasionally I have done all of all these things). Sometimes people forget to be kind to themselves. I forget to be kind to myself too. Most of the time, and particularly lately, I expect too much from myself. Yes, I want to change the world, but that's not going to mean that the world changes overnight! Which is a bummer really because everything would be so much easier if it were that simple, not to mention that much faster! I have been frustrated that I couldn't help someone, or that I didn't see someone that needed help (or at least not until I was thinking about it later ), or sometimes I'm not fast enough to perform an act of kindness and I feel like I'm letting the world down. The reality is I am only ONE PERSON and I am the only one being let down, because I expect so much of myself! Yes, every kindness makes the world a better place, but every kindness you do is one more beautiful thing that exists in the world! After all that lady over there with the heavy shopping, she doesn't expect me to help her with her shopping... That guy in the wheelchair going through the door does not expect me to hold the door open for him (in fact he has become quite adept at doing it without any help), the screaming baby doesn't expect me to stop it crying by making faces at it in the shopping center and neither does the babies mum. I think that is why kindness is so important though, because we do not expect people to perform acts of kindness, that is why they are so powerful. But I need to be kinder to myself. RULE NUMBER ONE: Be Kinder to Yourself! I have started doing a kindness for myself as regularly as possible. It may be buying a new book (yes i still am a bibliophile), or getting a massage, or buying myself a "Soy Chai Latte", or it could be giving myself the morning off from caring for mum by letting myself sleep in(when she needs sleep too), or visiting someone I know will perk my mood up. Yet, it is so important to care for yourself, because if you don't look after yourself, then you will be of no use to anyone... including yourself!!!!

A second pitfall for a kind person is forgetting how blessed we really are. When you are doing things for others a lot, you can see how others live and get jealous or even "preachy" about how people should live their lives. It may seem funny that people who are being Kind all the time can be like this... but it happens. Oh boy, does it happen. I have found myself being jealous of the things I have done for others because I've begun to expect people to do the same things for me. Now this might, to the outsider, seem logical. After all you are giving, therefore you should receive! Right? But to someone who is trying to live the "kind life" its not always this simple. If you always expect the same thing from others, you will be perpetually disappointed. Not everyone is going to want to make YOU a cup of tea in the morning, carry YOUR groceries, bring in YOUR Rubbish/Garbage bin, or buy YOU lunch! After all not everyone has the same wage as you, or want to spend it the same way YOU do. Or have the same ability to brew tea, carry heavy loads or the time to bring in your garbage bin. One of the greatest ways to be a kindness ambassador is to not expect anything from anyone. This is not a rule, just a really helpful note! If you expect it you will be unsatisfied, but if you don't expect something, then it is always always a blessing when something comes your way. I like to think Karma exists, but it might not be a one-for-one deal (as in you do a kind deed and someone does exactly the same in return), and Karma almost never comes the way you want it to or expect it too.
RULE NUMBER TWO: Be grateful! When you are grateful for what you have and what you can do for others you don't have time to be jealous. 

Another problem that adds to the burn out, is that there is often the feeling that you are always giving and never receiving. Yes, we should all give generously, but that doesn't stop us from wanting kindness ourselves. When you are giving all the time it can seem that you are the only one who does this. But its not until you stop and pay attention you realize that other people are doing small kindnesses for you too. I think you all know that I write at least 10 or more things I am grateful for, that happened though out the day, every night before I go to sleep. I follow that up with my Kindness for the day. Recently I started taking account for the things other people do for me because I was so caught up with what I was doing for everyone else. I forgot to look for the things others were doing for me. RULE NUMBER THREE: Pay attention to what others do for you - add this to your blessings everyday! So I started paying attention. Whether it be your best friend who pays for a movie twice in a weekend (thanks Tanya), you sister who takes your mum for a night so you can have a night at your friends (thanks V), a friend who does your washing up after you've made a mess in their kitchen (Thanks Tanya & Kylee), or a friend who compliments you on an awesome job with a blog post (thanks Eva, Terry & Tahlienna), Or someone who gives you the opportunity to try something you have been wanting to do for ages (thanks Taylor). These are a few of my friend blessings that are from this week alone. I got stuck for a while not seeing all the amazing things my family and friends did for me, which was their kindness to me. 

One of the greatest pit falls a kindness ambassador can fall into is judging others and their worth. I have been on a few dozen kindness sites and really struggled with the reactions of some people. Sure, the best/easiest person to be kind to in the world is the ones who obviously need help, ie. Street people, those in financial struggles, the person crying at the shop, underprivileged people etc. One of the things I have noticed is the reaction people have is to those who come from wealthier parts of society. Yes they might have more money, more social status, more ability to do large acts of kindness but just because they have all this, does not mean that we should withhold kindness from them. I am not one who earns lots of money... although I make the most of what I do earn! My annual income is pretty low, yet I still find that EVERYBODY needs kindness. Sure they might not need a $50 gift card from your local supermarket, but they may need your spare change to help them get through the checkout faster. Another group that miss out, are those that are rude to us. Sure their hostility can be a warning, so be careful, but if you can safely ignore it, these people need the kindness more than ever! I once had a drive-thru lady sound rude and curt at the speaker box, others in the car commented on her manner, so i made the extra effort to be super cheery and thank her for her work and for getting our food promptly. The others in the car thought I was nuts, but she needed that! By the time we left, food in hand, she was smiling at least! It may have been because she also thought I was crazy, but if it meant the next car had a smiling server, it was exactly what I was meant to do! There is a quote that I always hear (sadly I don't know the writer) "You never know what people have been through! Everyone is fighting a hard battle".  The hardest part is that sometimes we don't even know we are judging others. So please be careful who you judge as worthy. Everyone is worthy of kindness... that is why it is so powerful and makes such a difference in the world. Not only is withholding kindness a cruelty to others but also to ourselves. We become limited in the impact we can make in the world. RULE NUMBER FOUR: Everybody Needs Kindness.


Okay, so in short my rule book is very simple:
RULE NUMBER ONE: Be Kinder to Yourself!
RULE NUMBER TWO: Be grateful!
RULE NUMBER THREE: Pay attention to what others do for you!
RULE NUMBER FOUR: Everybody Needs Kindness.  

I have been doing this project in its various forms for almost 5 years now. And I encourage anyone who wants to give "365 days of kindness" a go, to do it!!! Give it a go!! Even if you only last a week or a month, that is 7 to 31 more kindnesses in the world! And everyday you do it, that is one more kind deed out there in the world! :) Honestly, it can be hard for the first few weeks, but then you get into a pattern and realize that kindness is just a way of life. Then suddenly its 5 years later and you are doing kindnesses with joy and passion! :)

Think about it! If it is something you want to do, give me a buzz as I can help you out with a few resources! If you want them? You do not have to do a blog about it, you don't have to even keep a record! I like to keep one just to see all the things I have done! But Everyone is different! :)

I hope this helps anyone trying to live a kinder life.
With love and kindness,
Luv Daena

January 9,2014

Today was a good day... Relaxed and spent with family which is always nice! 

One kindness today was helping my dyslexic nephew write his blessings (10 things he is grateful for -he does this everyday like I do), and listening as my 5 year old niece read her (5 blessings) to me! I love encouraging both of them in their blessings because it promotes a healthy & happy life! :) 

I also helped my sister with her newsletter for her craft business! I coloured in a whole bunch of stamped cards (for added colour), and cut out a whole lot more little butterflies that have been added to the first card so it looks awesome! :) 

I have also started sorting out and preparing for a friends hens and kitchen tea parties (as I'm the maid of honour)! Co-ordination & sourcing stuff to make both events unforgettable! :) 

Have an awesome day! 

Luv Daena x 

Gratitude...

Hey everyone,
One thing I wanted to talk about before the end of this year is Gratitude.

For my friends and followers in the US, you have just had Thanksgiving, a special time where you think of all the things you are grateful for.

In Australia we don't have such a day, and I thought this December, in the lead up to Christmas, was the perfect time to think and talk about gratitude.

This year I have truly discovered the importance of gratitude. I have to start by telling you about how I came to this little epiphany. One day when I was shopping, I came across a book. This book was called "The Magic" by Rhonda Byrne, and its not what you may think it is. For my Christian friends who started to freak out at the word of "magic", I need to clarify that this book is about gratitude and how through gratitude we start to see things like we were when we were kids, where the world was magical and all things were possible. It talks about the 'magic' of gratitude.

This book has had a wonderful impact on me. "The Magic" acts like a 28 day work book to help you get out of a negative head-space and encourage you to see the world filled with possibilities. It is 28days so that it becomes a good habit. It goes through various religious scriptures and discusses them alongside quotes from theologists, thinkers, writers, philosophers, historians, presidents, songwriters, poets, journalists, anthropologists, business men & women, emperors, physicists, activists, teachers, coaches, artists and famous personalities

I started doing this in March, and you may be curious as to why it has taken me this long to share it with you, but i have shared it with my family and some friends to see the impact it has on them before i shared it with my online community. Some of you may have already read this book and done the activities, and if you have I would love to hear how its made a change in your lives! I am now happy to share it with you and some of the great things that have happened that have been "magical" to me.

I have really struggled with remaining positive in my life. I don't know how far back you have read these blogs so I don't know if you remember that both my parents have different disabilities. My dad has a rare brain disease called CerebralAmyloidAngiopathy which affects the white matter of his brain and has consequently led to him developing Frontotemporal Dementia.  My mum on the other hand has spinal damage and after several surgeries to help, things have gotten worse not better. And as such I have had to take on the role of Full-Time Carer for my mum. My dad is in high-care in a nursing home which we visit regularly. Both parents also have diabetes, so pain management and BSL management are two things as a carer i have to balance.

These realities have not changed. But my outlook towards them since reading "The Magic" has.

I wake up every morning and thank God/the universe that I woke up at all.

I also wake up and am grateful for even the smallest bit of sleep I had because a few years ago I was diagnosed with Insomnia and any sleep is precious.

I am grateful that I still have both my parents, because even though they aren't in peak physical/mental condition they still encourage me to be the best I can be.

I am grateful for the love and generosity they both bestow on me because they still can.

I am truly grateful for my sister, brother-in-law and their kids, because they remind me that I am loved. And that my life is sometimes very simple because I don't have to worry about kids, work times, school times, sport times, mortgages, etc.

I am grateful for my sister & Brother-in-law because they also look after mum when I need a break, or have other commitments.

I am grateful for my best friend, Tanya, because no matter how many times I share the same issues and troubles, she listens and provides suggestions. She doesn't judge me for some of the choices I have made along the way. She also encourages me to be apart of big volunteering events (shes the one who got me into Telethon and Relay for Life), and encourages my health & fitness (she started a netball team that I now play in) and she supports me when I struggle in the simplest ways.

My adoptive aunts are two women who I am grateful for. Both of them have supported me financially in the past with bills and unexpected travel expenses. Without them I would have drowned under financial pressures. Not to mention their love and support of mum and I.

I am grateful for all those people in my life who listen to me, encourage me to be positive, who listen when I am at breaking point and who stand with me, when I feel like I will fall.

I am truely blessed that I have 365days-of-kindness to focus on, because it continues to surprise and encrouage me to make a difference in the world.

I am truly happy that I look at this Blog and see how many people check it out in one day, how my exploits are travelling across the world, how I get excited when people "Like" the 365days-of-kindness Facebook Page (can you believe im at 79 "likers"? AWESOME!)

I am grateful that my attitude to money has changed because saving has become a priority and luxuries (that honestly, i don't really NEED) have to come second. I am no longer ashamed of how my money comes to me because I used to think that people would look down on me if they knew that I was paid by the government through Centrelink (the welfare agency in Australia). I earn my money, I am not a "dole bludger", as I have been called in the past.

I am grateful that i have the ability to look after mum because of Centrelink and that we have such a supportive agency in Australia.

Every day I sit down and write 10 things I am most grateful for in the day. Sometimes I write more than ten (because I just can't leave out any of those awesome things). I also record my kindness for that day after all my blessings. It looks kind of like this...

This is a photo taken from my Gratitude journal! Sorry about the quality, and the terrible handwriting! :) lol!

My life has not changed greatly. But there are a few things that have. I am now debt free. I owed about $3000 to family and I have finally paid that back (the majority of the money i have paid back since March!) and still have managed to save money ready for next year when i have an international wedding to attend. I am excited as its 5 years since i have been debt free!

Also, when I wake up in the morning I am no longer afraid to face the day. I used to wake up and be afraid of the "next disaster" to befall our family! But I now wake up and think of the good things I have before me, not the possibility of horrors. To me these are the miracles I have gotten out of the book.

I am so grateful for my life, my passions, my family, my friends, my communities, and people like you who read this and are inspired to do kind things in the world! :) Kindness and gratitude make the world a better place, even if its just our perception of it! :)

Thank you for reading this blog. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. It is a motivation that keeps me going on hard days. Brightening someone else's day also brightens your own! 

Have a wonderful day,
Luv Daena x

p.s. If you want to get a copy of "The Magic" and live in Australia - they are the cheapest ($10AUD) at Target! :) Or you can check out this link to the book depository (FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING! yay).