Questions to ponder

And the winner goes too.... 

The Copy of the book: goes too... Eva D! I have your address so I will send it off in the next few days. Thanks for liking the FB page. Thanks to those who liked and shared the link. It was greatly appreciated. 

There were very few people who participated in the give away. Which is sad because I think it is not only an awesome giveaway but a great kindness workbook. 

To be honest, it has me really pondering what should become of 365days of Kindness. I would be keen for some input from those who actually read this blog (if there are any of you out there?) 

What should this blog look like? 

What would you like to see here? 

Would you like more created content? 

Would you like more interviews with people? 

Would you like more experiences of kindness from others? Or me? 

Would you like to see more of a particular type of kindness? 

Where should we go from here? 

Would you like more videos? 

Would you like more YouTube clips from other Kindness groups?

Would you like a podcast? 

Would you like to see an Instagram account? 

Would you like less? 

These aren’t easy questions for me. For a girl who has been doing a kind deed a day for years now I really want to inspire people to be kinder. 

But honestly, I don’t know how to do that. So...Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. 

Please let me know what you think. 

Love Daena x

Give away... 100 Days of Kindness

Kindness week has just passed us by and so did the international day of Random Acts of Kindness (it was yesterday).

 I wanted to mark the occasion some how and seeing as I somehow let the day slip by completely unnoticed I thought I would do my Random Act of Kindness today instead. I thought a give away would be wonderful. 

I decided that my Random Act of Kindness would be to give a book to a random follower of this blog and the Facebook page. 

The book I chose is actually a kindness workbook. It’s called “100 Days of Kindness” and I bought it from Paperchase (a stationary company here in the UK for those who don’t know it). 

It’s beautiful. There are two ways to use it too. One you can work through the work book in chronological order 1-100. 

Or you can do a kindness a day that you choose randomly from the book and when you fill in the pages you include the date you did it. Kind of like a random act of kindness lucky dip! 

I will happily send this book to someone at the end of next week. I’ll contact you here or Facebook for your postal address if you are the one who will receive this Random Act of Kindness*. I’ll draw a name out of a hat on Sunday.  

The only request I ask is you like the Facebook Page and/or leave a comment below for your chance to be the lucky recipient

Not sure what to say? How about letting me know what kindness you have done for someone else? I always love to hear that! 

I hope you had a great kind week! 

Much love to you all, 

Daena 

*I will not use your address for any other purpose than sending the package to you. I don’t sell or pass on any personal information. I just want you to know I will treat your information kindly. 👍☺️👍

Valentine’s Day - not a good day for everyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Today will be a great day for so many who love Valentines Day. But it will also be a really hard day for others. 

Whilst some are being showered with gifts and love, and others will be happy to avoid it all the fuss, there are some who will see the love and gifts given to others and be sad. They will be sad they aren’t getting the love and attention like that themselves. Whether it’s because their partner doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day, or has left or passed away or they are partner-less and would like a special someone to shower with love and gifts or be showered with love and gifts. And I’m sure a few other scenarios in between.  

So if you know someone who feels like they are missing out, be kind to them today. Send them a picture or a note (or a little gift if you are inclined to do so) and let them know you appreciate their friendship and love them for that.*

It could be something simple Like this: 

Valentine’s Day is not just a day about romantic love, but all the kinds of love there is.

 So cherish your friendships, siblings, parents, extended family, neighbours, work mates and acquaintances. 

A small gesture could make someone’s day brighter. 

Also, if today is a struggle for you, don’t forget to be kind to yourself too! 

I hope this finds you well. 

Love Daena x

Ps. 

My game needed to be shared too. So cute to make a heart today of all days! ☺️ much love. Xx

PPS. Note: for those who don’t want anything to do with the Valentine’s Day, please respect the space of those who need it. Not everyone loves the occasion. Be kind to them too. 

Most memorable kindness - a single rose

I was listening to The Kindness Podcast with a friend at work today. One of the questions regularly posed at the end of each episode is “what is your favourite kindness story”? KC and I were discussing what the biggest kindness we ever received was.

I didn’t know what mine was. I have been been thinking about it all day.

I have a few very memorable moments but I finally realised that the kindness that moves me even now is one from one of the hardest days of my life.

The day my father died.

My father, Vic, had been struggling with a rare brain disease for almost a decade when he finally passed away. He had been in a high care facility that we visited almost every day.

 Over the course of the 7 years* that dad had been in the facility he had been close to death on several occasions. Including the times we were told that he wouldn’t live until Christmas… on more than one occasion. We had even sat vigil over him when they told us he wouldn’t live through the night (2 years before his actual death). But my father made a recovery, surprising us all. He had made a miraculous recovery on each and every occasion.  Never quite returning to his previous state of health, the way he has been before the most recent brain bleed or stroke he had. He deteriorated a lot and recovered slightly. But he always seemed to recover to a certain extent.

Needless to say the day he actual died we couldn’t believe it. My sister even made a 45 minute drive to come and see him. Because she just expected him to wake up. It’s almost funny now to look back on our reactions but shock at the time was in full force.

When we first went in to see him, within an hour or two of his death, we noticed one of the beautiful staff members had made a tiny gesture because he knew how hard it would be for us. His kindness was simple. But it left a strong memory with me. This kind carer had placed a shroud over my dad with a single white rose on his chest. That tiny detail is what I remember. The white rose. That someone had thought to soften the blow of my fathers death by leaving a single solitary rose on his chest. It was beautiful.

I sat with my fathers body for 2 hours whilst we waited for the funeral home to come and get him. I kept expecting him to breathe again. I didn’t take my eyes off my dads chest for almost the whole time. For that time I almost stared exclusively at a single white rose. I held a cold hand and cried staring at the chest of a man who had been breathing when I had seen him only a few hours earlier.

I don’t think the Carer who left the rose would ever know how much that small gesture meant to me and my family. It meant the world.

I sometimes wonder what little moments of beauty my dad caused in his life to make others lives better. He always made other people feel seen and heard. He didn’t care if someone was a politician or a homeless person, a policeman or a priest, a farmer or a city slicker, and indigenous person or a non-Australian, he made friends with people from all walks of life, from a variety of countries around the globe. He spoke with kindness to so many and of so many. I hope that I can continue to grow into a woman he would be proud to call his daughter.

I hope that you continue to do small kind deeds because you never know what impact they will have on those around you. After all who would expect a white rose to have been so powerful.

Sending love to you all,
Love Daena x


*note: For 3 years after his diagnosis, dad was cared for at home before he needed more support that my mum and the rest of our little family could provide on our own. It was a very hard decision for my mum but Dad thrived in that environment. He was loved by all the nurses because he would be kind (& cheeky) and loved a cuppa and a chat which he could coax out of everyone! Even when he couldn’t talk towards the end he loved to sit and hold hands with whom ever was there. My dad is missed by us all.

Frustration

I have spent a lot of this week dealing with frustration.

Firstly, I had to get a new screen for my phone. Id smashed it when I fell over on a pebble beach last week and it was in my back pocket. On Tuesday my new screen arrived however I managed to drop the broken phone in the toilet at work before I had a chance to replace the screen. Due to the problem with the screen the insides haven’t been able to dry out as quickly as I would have liked.

I still don’t know if I will ever get back all the photos, memories, cherished videos, blog post ideas, story ideas and half completed chapters of books I am currently writing.

When this happened on Tuesday at work we had already had to deal with a work car breaking down, being snowed off after driving almost 2 hours to get to our archaeological site. Because there was so much snow around a lot of other people were in the office when we got back and it was jam packed. I often don’t deal well with tight spaces and lots of people. Tuesday was no exception. I was so emotionally and mentally drained that night I had early dinner and shower and was in bed by 8.30pm.

Wednesday was almost the most frustrating day of my life. We got to site and for the first hour it was okay because there was frozen puddles to crack and sheets of ice to throw and smash through to continue with the work. However, by the time morning tea came around, the whole place had started to defrost. Which you would think would be a great thing, except because it was clay it became sticky and miserable. Usually when a job is this annoying I put on some cheerful music or an inspirational podcast and get to work. But having broken my phone the day before it was just me and my thoughts. Me and my frustration.


It was so frustrating when every step I took meant I was either stuck to the ground so I couldn’t walk easily, or had enough clay stick to my feet it was like wearing weighted platform shoes that could have rivaled the height of the kind my sister wore in the 90s. #SpiceGirlsForeva. I even fell into the mud on more than on occasion. Pushing a wheelbarrow in that clay will now haunt my dreams… forever.

The whole day of work continued to be like this for me. Jobs that would normally took 30mins to do took 4 hours.

It was the first time I have ever been so frustrated I have wanted to weep. (Or at least it is the most recent so it sticks in my mind to the exclusion of all else). I still feel myself getting frustrated now just thinking about it. It was also completely physically exhausting. I came home absolutely knackered.

When I finally got home I managed to message my boyfriend from my tablet. My family back home in Australia would have been well and truly asleep by the time I got in from work, so I couldn’t call my mum. It actually made me more upset because I couldn’t call anyone as my phone was dead. No phone calls at all.

I have my tablet but it wasn’t then set up with anything and every app wanted me to use my phone to verify it. Talk about frustrating!

I had to figure out what to do that evening to get me out of the funk. I used a few little tips and tricks to help. This wont work for everyone. I think taking some time to get to know what helps you when you are emotionally and physically exhausted will help you.

Firstly, I cried. A good solid sob-fest. Everything I had been holding in for the last 36-48 hours came tumbling out. I must admit I was not very positive. My boyfriend G got really worried about me because I don’t usually sound so defeated or so distraught. What he did was remind me that this is not normal and therefore temporary.

When I had dried my eyes and felt a little lighter I decided I needed to change the way things were going for me. I needed to laugh, too feel clean (get rid of the mud and clay), I needed a win and I needed some comfort food.

I decided to make myself some pizza. Hangry is a new word for a reason. Dealing with the most important part first was going to help me immensely. For someone like me, who is on the Auto-Immune Protocol, making pizza is a lot more time intensive and complicated than nipping to the local Pizza place. Thankfully I had the ingredients on hands. I didn’t even feel guilty when I ate a whole pizza to myself. So, yummy comfort food. Check.

I needed to wash of the mud of the day. So I had a nice hot shower. I washed my hair and braided it when it was almost dry so that I would feel better in the morning as I wouldn’t have to do anything with it. Feeling Clean. Check.

I did some jobs I had been putting off. Like putting away the clothes drying in my room. This feels like a constant job because in winter everything takes so long to dry. I also changed my sheets and did another load of washing (yes, ruining my empty drying rack – but yay! Clean clothes). Having a win. Check.

Lastly I needed a laugh. One thing I find I watch to do this is QI. A British show hosted primarily by Stephen Fry but also by Sandi Thompson. For those not familiar with it, it is a great game show that you can watch one or two episodes of and learn something but usually laugh at too. It often hosts a great range of comedians including some great Aussie comedic icons. It has a habit of making me laugh a lot, whilst learning a heap too. Change my mood. Check.

By that time, It was bed time. So I did what I usually do, I wrote 10 things I was grateful for. This is a nightly ritual for me that helps me reframe my day. You might wonder how I could be grateful for a range of things as my day had been so…. Yes… frustrating. But it is amazing what you can be grateful for when you think about the good. Here is what I wrote in my journal…

WEDNESDAY 30TH JANUARY 2019:

1. I am truly grateful that I had my tablet alarm to wake me up this morning because I was able to get up, dressed and to work on time.
2. I am truly blessed that KC & I got to play with the frozen puddles because we laughed a lot.
3. I am happy and blessed I finally got my Section Photo taken because It took me all day to clean up my ditch slot and get it ready for photographing.
4. With all my heart thank you that I was helped my the Polish crew from the other office because their small acts of kindness made my day so much more bearable.
5. Thank you that we stopped at the services on the way home because I hot a hot cup of tea and that was enough to warm my frozen fingers.
6. I am truly happy that I was able to help the office staff by printing off some extra paperwork for the file when I got back to the office, because it meant they had more time for more important things.
7. I am truly blessed that I got prawns on discount at the supermarket because It meant could add them to my pizza tonight.
8. I am happy and blessed G and I could message on my tablet because I feel so disconnected from my family and friends right now.
9. With all my heart thank you for QI, Pizza and hot showers because they really help me improve my mood.
10. Thank you that I got lots of jobs done because I feel like a successful adult.

I always add a reason why I am grateful for a certain thing. Just saying ‘I am grateful for life’ is nice, but what about it makes you feel it in your bones? Or at least in your heart? Actually feeling the gratitude helps me get out of my funk.

As you can see there were good things about my day too. It wasn’t all frustration. It was also… ice cracking, hot tea, pizza, kindness from colleagues, hot showers, having a win, discount prawns, having a back up alarm clock, laughter, getting the job done, connectedness and bringing kindness to others. Does that mean I wont experience frustration again?? I wish.

Thursday could have been just as frustrating, but this time I was more prepared. Pizza for lunch( (leftovers for the win). A messenger phone call with G from my tablet. Having small wins. Making someone else’s day by bringing them a gift.

I also had several people be really kind to me which was really beautiful and unexpected. Some simply shared in my frustration, whilst others offered me use of old phones. I also got hugs from a few friends and colleagues.

Plus, I finally got a cuddle from G when I finally made it to Wales that evening under the threat of snow. And snow it did! But thankfully I got there safe!

Sometimes knowing how to get yourself out of a funk is the best skill there is. I think I am still learning to deal with frustration but at least now I have some strategies to deal with it myself.

Be kind to one another.

Love Daena

Why I didn’t celebrate Australia Day

I want to talk about Australia Day. 

Sure, it’s the type of day that people want to celebrate all the achievements and successes attributed to the Australian nation and its individuals alike. 

When you are far away from home, like I am at the moment, it’s so important to feel like you are connected to what’s going on back home. Or at least that is my experience. But I didn’t celebrate Australia Day here, yesterday... not yet anyways. 

The big problem with Australia Day, as it is, is what it stands for for those peoples whose families were in Australia before colonisation. Right now Australia Day is January 26, and is also known as Invasion Day by many Indigenous Australians. 

Here is some history behind it... 

Before January 26, 1788, “Aboriginal peoples had been living for more than 60 000 years on the continent we now know as Australia. At least 1600 generations of these peoples had lived and died here.” (Kwan, 2019).

January 26 marks the day in 1788 that the British claimed the eastern seaboard of Australia and claimed sovereignty over it. It was known as New Holland at the time. On January 1, 1901, Australias states and territories came together and became a Federation, marking it the Australia that we know it as today. It started out being a day of celebration and unity for white Australians. It wasn’t until 1935 that all states and territories even adopted the term ‘Australia Day’. On top of that it wasn’t until 1994 that it became a consistent date marked by a public holiday by all states and territories (Wikipedia, 2019). 

The date is so contentious because it marks the start date of atrocities against Indigenous Australians, including enslavement, destruction and genocide. It is referred to as ‘Invasion Day’ or ‘Survivors Day’ acknowledging the generations of those who have and continue to live through racism and hate. Many issues for indigenous issues are ongoing including excessive incarceration rates and short life expectancy compared to other non-indigenous people (Russel, 2018; Australian Government, 2018). Sadly, Racism and Xenophobia exist in Australia toward many peoples, including Indigenous Australians. 

I, personally, struggle with anything that actively hurts people. After all, this is a blog about kindness.

This year I decided not to Celebrate... yet. 

However, I think another date would be kinder and more logical. 

A different date would NOT be a day marking the death and destruction of Indigenous people’s and culture. 

It could help everyone celebrate the unity and celebration of what is modern Australia in a more responsible and all together kinder way to ALL those who call Australia home. 

It would prioritise inclusiveness, community and kindness for all. 

Like many, I advocate for the new date to be May 8 (or Maaate). After all Australia does pride itself on mateship. 

 I saw this amazing video from Jordin, an awesome Indigenous Australian comedian, about why we should change the date to May 8. 

It’s clever, funny and gives this privileged white woman a tiny little glimpse into why it would be kinder to all to change the date. 

So, I’m going to be celebrating my Australia Day on May 8! Hopefully the weather is warmer here in England by then, so I can crack open the BBQ and throw some ‘prawns’ on, and some lamb and even some decent sized mushrooms for my vegan friends. I want to celebrate the memories I have of my home back in Australia as a kinder, and more inclusive, multicultural place to be. On a day that doesn’t make others suffer. 

I know that Australia Day is not a simple topic to write about. It’s not simple by any stretch of the imagination. But perhaps a new date will be a small step in the right direction. 

I hope you are all well,

Love Daena x

References 

Australian Government, 2018, Deaths in Australia, accessed from: https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/life-expectancy-death/deaths/contents/life-expectancy

IndigenousX Pty,Ltd, Twitter post: Tweets, https://indigenousx.com.au

Jordin, 2017, Change Australia Day to May 8, Maaaaate, accessed from: https://youtu.be/tV57_pRGToU

Kwan, E. 2019, History of Australia Day, accessed from:https://www.australiaday.org.au/about-australia-day/history/

Russell, S. 2018, As Indigenous incarceration rates keep rising, justice reinvestment offers a solution, The Conversation, accessed from

http://theconversation.com/as-indigenous-incarceration-rates-keep-rising-justice-reinvestment-offers-a-solution-107610 

Wikipedia, 2019, Australia Day, accessed from:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australia_Day 

A crazy Week - podcasts to inspire kindness & growth

I’ve had one of the craziest weeks. 

(I’ve been everywhere Man! The view from the work van this morning as the sun rose through the trees) 

Last Monday morning I left for a work stay away in Dorset. I was up at 4.30am on Monday and got to work at 9.30 by train. I worked on a quarry site for 5 days and then when it was time to leave work, I left at 2pm on Friday to get my train, to only walk in the door at 8pm at my boyfriends house in Wales (this did NOT include a stop at home in Reading). 4 trains, a few delays and some time for me to avoid getting rained on. Then I had one full day (Saturday) with my boyfriend before getting 2 trains (& a replacement bus) to get back to Reading by 6pm Sunday night only to be up at 5am Monday morning to get back to the office and I got to site at 9.30am yesterday, because we drove instead of train-ing it. I worked hard yesterday and today. My mum had some surgery early hours (for me) this morning and I had a few other commitments to juggle too. But all in all, I am happy and healthy, and so is mum back in Aus, so that’s what’s really important. 

I hope you’ll forgive me for getting the post done a few days late. I’ve been aiming to post a blog once a week. So far so good! 

There has been plenty of opportunities for kindness this past week including paying for a taxi, helping a mate out with money for a few unnecessary but nice little luxuries, smiling at strangers, talking to people at train stations and helping those who are lost (after I had gotten lost - using that knowledge to help others), doing washing up for others, cleaning up mud (a constant issue with Archaeologists) in the work share house, paying for parking, sharing food and so many more opportunities for kindness. 

I see so many opportunities for it yet I can always see opportunities for more. 

What is something close to your heart that you would love to share that is kind? 

Do you support a charity? 

Do you work with a community group? And online network that helps to be kind? 

What are the things that sustain you and your interest in being kind? 

I ask because I have a few things I consume that help me be the best me and help me to be kinder. 

My work (as an archaeologist) often means that I have long and boring hours on the opposite side of a site from other people. It’s the not-so-glamorous side to archaeology that people often forget to mention when you are watching Indiana Jones and imagining that will be your life! Just kidding. But they should mention the occasional boring nature of the work when you go to Uni. I don’t mind it really, but I know it’s not for everyone! 

What I do have though is, time! Time to listen. So I Listen to lots of music and podcasts. I do my best to find ones that inspire me and make me think about the world more generously. 

One such podcast is simply called “The Kindness Podcast”. I’ve been following this from day one. It’s an American based podcast but there is an opportunity to call in and share your own stories of kindness, which I appreciate. Plus the host interviews some awesome and interesting people going about living kinder lives in a range of ways. Each episode is about 20-25 minutes long 

Then when I want to focus on my mental health and being kinder to myself I listen to “The Mindful Kind” by Rachel Kable. This is a really sweet and short podcast about how to be more mindful and ... yes, Kind. It provides practical tools and tricks to help you get started to living a more mindful life. It is between 8-12minutes long and Is just a really nice show.

When I realise I’m acting like a chicken with its head cut off I know it’s time to SLOW-DOWN and so I listen to the “SlowHome” podcast with Brooke McAlary. I really appreciate this podcast because it helps me get grounded in what is really important to me and when I’m grounded I can be a better advocate for Kindness. Episodes can range from 35-70 minutes. But usually I’m so hooked on the episode that I forget the length of the episodes. 

“Optimal Living Daily” with Justin Mulik is a really great way to listen to blog posts kind of like a daily audiobook. I’ve heard essays and blogs from people I’ve meant to follow up on on a range of subjects. I haven’t had the chance to read the blogs myself so I feel like he gives me a great and varied look at self development. For me I want to keep learning how to be the best human I can be, in a range of ways from a range of different perspectives. Including how to be kinder. The best thing is the diversity because what works for some may not work for others and it’s like that with this podcast. I’ve found episodes that resonate and hit my souls to the core, some than make me think about life more deliberately and some I could happily ignore and be better for it. I enjoy the range of perspectives from a range of authors as you can try ideas on like shoes, if you like it and it fits in your life - keep it. If not, leave it behind. These episodes can range from 6-12 minutes. They do have advertising at the beginning and end but I skip through that. But if that puts you off, I understand - know you can become a Patrion supporter and get the podcast advertising free. It’s on my “to do” list when I’ve finished paying off some debts. 

Others that deserve a passing mention here because I listen to them when I’ve run out episodes from the above list are 

• The Lavendaire Lifestyle - which is a great one for figuring out how to live your best life and sculpt the life you want. (Episodes are about 20 mins)
• Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations - Some of these are a great conversation into Kindness. I enjoy listening to the diverse collection of people interviewed and the range of topics. (Episodes are approx 30mins)
• The 10% Happier Podcast - is all about meditation and how meditation has helped the host, Dan Harris, become just 10% Happier on the whole. It’s both facinating and challenging as he talks to people of a range of backgrounds and experiences who all meditate and why. It can be a little academic at times but when you listen for a while you get better at understanding what they are talking about when it gets into some of the extreme Yogis etc. (Episodes are approx 60mins long. 

For those looking for a wildcard - this is for those interested in archaeology 

“Women in Archaeology” is a great and interesting podcast looking at a range of issues that female (& male) archaeologists deal with in both academic and commercial arenas. It’s been fun learning whilst work. This helps me be a better Archaeologist on the whole because I have learned a lot about the experiences of my peers in the field. It’s based in America but often they discuss the international consequences and influences which is great. 

These are not the only things I do to get me inspired but I feel like maybe I can put some other resources together for next week. 

Let me know of any good podcasts that can help me and any others reading this to live kinder. Or give us ideas and keep us inspired. Some days are harder than others to be kind so having a resource to help remind us why it is important is crucial to me completing another 365days of Kindness. 

I hope this finds you all well. 

Much love to you all, 

Love Daena xx